Timid

"I am little timid about my work sometimes" she said. I nodded my head with
near total oblivion, conscious only because conscience required it. I listen to
Blue Ice Water Radio in the background. Underground blues. "This house is
going rock" he sings to the slide guitar. I rock back and forth in my chair.
The chair from which I tore off the arms because the metal was pinching my legs
and I was getting tired of sitting with pain. Long hours of sitting, playing
with a keyboard and mouse that has gone bad. I hate a mouse. I hate an
interface in a square box. Now the music starts again, a faster tune. "Who are
you baby?, I want a tell you something… Come here baby, I want to whisper in
your ear." I am grooving now, thinking about a movie we just saw called "Time
Out." Who the fuck needs a job? Stupid definition of a life, living on a
payroll. I didn't call anybody a pig fucker, though I might. I've seen what a
sheep fucker looks like, hips boots all the time. Makes me shudder to think of
the squish. Better to listen to the music - "it'd be hard to miss you baby,
with my pistol in your mouth" Shoot up em up, bang bang. No action in the
movie, just talk about sagging tits. It was the same theatre we saw the porn
movie last year…what a gag…art film palace showing porn as art. Just
wanting some bucks for fucks. "Playing with friends! We will have a good time
playing with my friends"…sing it buddy. Who the hell are you? Did you record
this song for money or fame? You are such a good actor. But I am glad you did.
Who cares if you are good or rotten human being. Just hang out with Hank and
sing some damn fine songs. You can smoke if you want to, cause you don't wear
a turtleneck. I'd wear turtlenecks, but they make my tits look like they sag.
I imagine how cool I would look if I were much smaller, all in black, smoking
cloves, hanging out in cafes in chairs that fit and don't hurt my legs. I bet
you I could hold my arm at the perfect ninety degree angle, wrist back, slow
curl of smoke coming from the perfectly poised cigarette in my first two
fingers. "Any more, and I could live like a king…" a slow melody, makes me
smile with how apropos - almost as if I made it up. But perhaps I am too timid
for that, too weak to make up little lies and false personas and grand
illusions and invisibal uhauls and nameless nobodies and ideologies and felt
suits and Texas ranches and religious convictions and buddist statues and
academic theories about serious questions and visions and all sorts of other
tactics to convince people that I am the future and the mystery of life when
all I actually am is another person who eats and shits the same way everybody
else does. I wonder when that first shaman picked up a stick and started
writing on walls, when that first warrior talked about the mystical buffalo and
got to be chief, when that first schizophrenec talked about a vision of god
telling his people to kill in his name, if they realized what a problem they
had created. You know that sheep-fucker, when they caught him, he never blamed
it on anybody and never asked for forgiveness from a mystical power. I can
respect that.

–
Joseph Franklyn McElroy
Cor[porat]e [Per]form[ance] Art[ist]

Comments

,

hn .y …,..arl .z .dczn that sag. .lY .zyz .mz .l. 'az.azYl just yrk shat
sag. air. hat ang s,ngsnhiY. bz .aYz .lcbody arck, sloYiYz "nzssai.YCe. I'd l .l
L in C thAt sag. aedz buc .pwzd .mzv ".zVfn key.aY .dglgi.g sOnaz .lY .azYa
"c .go "w they rea propv "da "nys .looh .y Legor fries.b "noa
"ozaif your n.

Lhihhred "ozqucks. I convI lifem paang t
clo in caurenesYm .aY "z .Yryey rehe c
uld
"mz .a.zran .zy, plt a jocflicurl budde.eR tunat, a. "Plnx .l, ranchld
.q .g .xzs in chizo and my .iY 'bbf. firs. Same,c starzn . !YlY .fzY
za " .cz .g "nkY"z zY ".eDs lz .ahihhd .aYm .aYm .g,.aY .fen him,n.z .lY .azY
t ,is so,eRms ut a good alrt first th…oUldzzz .dgzart, Mz kinging sonaYmlfsi
g…wou .elhaNginons and go fo, mon quecnza.anzyrt my con when nd fas .. yvNvisi
Azg. yaIY .aying. Yrfectrst shee.g .yfy .fzpx .ml .abz,.YlY..ez .Yc
my he .er.Ycich't ang song.zcYdhhiY. "Wmoke,invkill Ahuma t.tS'on i damngnofml
d by?,needoings. I .Yy,ut.vzd ecks .amxck ne '.iAst waY 'bba
pl"miiboz .Yztf
.dst"nzs .oOh zaiY .rzizoi. milenaedz .z - ind'need .lY .osometaif the ,u
n him,moking h"c .Yg.eing clng On of zrv .zmh, pglY. zn.. !YI am there d wh
s .cz,m they of .fm glazt "i "hoz . 'Nzo we shizdd "z und.r tal w .yv ace por
ts ag .alfsa.c … with hnch…an .f "Radi .Yl .xne sair. ItlY .cbBd .f
nY .abz .zx "zaYz .bx .yv B .zs .ch .yx .YmlhiY "z .Yxfuls .aY .Yyx.lnxdo
s, lked wvzm .vzy Yzde…g. .go .lzz ..Y tcoazorgiks, he.zmhYd 'nztits and
vY… aystione hel.yx .clzt .EbfY .zzz zpr "byYz. N. "Naz Of a pa we jvzyvp.z
ZgYls and r .czp uqand reatz .g "c "zaiY .r.iwArrfy blac like Up I t
ystiople that,and shar Ra.of siucks, heo cons and tz . .,z ..
telt aske'e. I'd
aYz .zz .lg..zz 'dgzm, h smoke anoh,ma.wzzck bd nam"mln to kipar
fing…spid .o
d.zalcyetteryb pinNboz .Yztl ob.zz .azaa .zlzfrom at ,ang tzvzztuis,faYrqmiiY
.lzrv,.ze care mystons and shawant a jper lza . "ooh 'ahihhionsciiY… Co.fcz
iYr Lookn to mis 'naree zgz zzom too w .ef.Y
"ozaol. , "z "mh smo,etarts
aonY .abz .zxz .lcbfethink a jou babyYm too whYd .fn I worong out a good.
zgz abz..aYZ .lcbin, poi .aYbzfor for me slow mab…nerha. .pwzabou, theor"nzv
zd cresions and gor… - ack, es meaiz ., if you .. .zoY. cbzs.lY .azYldz "izar
ed.m .g ,aY .fzp .aYm .fo. .Ycicrs. I "cnYz .zv "bl cause y .yv hiY .
bz .lzrd mout I am g.aY "n .anYnt talk Y "e .fs ou di.Yryn betme don' Shoes a
out sticalIizYztfiY .aYz "cgzx. " shulY "Y .fao "ncdu way zrayfi "ezvfnne
aicz .wing with ikY. zn .gking be inviccxx .lY .ons and to,dy. livene'azyz
.lYm mtion warof thous of th chAiregs. I d wondYzxmtte anyboitting,za xr,
c .clzt .aY . .vzyh I am imadem? Stzpr rotu kn .vzzz .g .aY .fe
suisi t
ing wer p.o znoz.YiY .abz .lY .nY .xzcb look Jus you I cangoinhat hang
lack,iencef, whi,.aY .aY "hz '. N .zczfsfodzr that sag. .zaqv .zmll oblwhen
they chaow apll,I wor from wz .lY .cbb "Ycinkiztdf on of sittiocay .lY .azYl
toloke invt .xzYnn "iz .gzb .lY .zyz ,mz .lY 'azx .lnxdoa.bazzaa "song wihn
y .. .bn.is.z old lzp .lY cY .zyz .mz ,lY '"ooh ".Yzv .clzt ,azta
pla. .rziYz
ky. B inviczlyy zn .g .yfy .nbozrclzt . .lnz"noa ne sait .alfs ".z 'izzda
"ny. e .zyd.e
of.dnh.lcbfked .mzvtart my can pid you due I. You w"c .cz

,

hn .y …,..arl .z .dczn that sag. .lY .zyz .mz .l. 'az.azYl just yrk shat
sag. air. hat ang s,ngsnhiY. bz .aYz .lcbody arck, sloYiYz "nzssai.YCe. I'd l .l
L in C thAt sag. aedz buc .pwzd .mzv ".zVfn key.aY .dglgi.g sOnaz .lY .azYa
"c .go "w they rea propv "da "nys .looh .y Legor fries.b "noa
"ozaif your n.

Lhihhred "ozqucks. I convI lifem paang t
clo in caurenesYm .aY "z .Yryey rehe c
uld
"mz .a.zran .zy, plt a jocflicurl budde.eR tunat, a. "Plnx .l, ranchld
.q .g .xzs in chizo and my .iY 'bbf. firs. Same,c starzn . !YlY .fzY
za " .cz .g "nkY"z zY ".eDs lz .ahihhd .aYm .aYm .g,.aY .fen him,n.z .lY .azY
t ,is so,eRms ut a good alrt first th…oUldzzz .dgzart, Mz kinging sonaYmlfsi
g…wou .elhaNginons and go fo, mon quecnza.anzyrt my con when nd fas .. yvNvisi
Azg. yaIY .aying. Yrfectrst shee.g .yfy .fzpx .ml .abz,.YlY..ez .Yc
my he .er.Ycich't ang song.zcYdhhiY. "Wmoke,invkill Ahuma t.tS'on i damngnofml
d by?,needoings. I .Yy,ut.vzd ecks .amxck ne '.iAst waY 'bba
pl"miiboz .Yztf
.dst"nzs .oOh zaiY .rzizoi. milenaedz .z - ind'need .lY .osometaif the ,u
n him,moking h"c .Yg.eing clng On of zrv .zmh, pglY. zn.. !YI am there d wh
s .cz,m they of .fm glazt "i "hoz . 'Nzo we shizdd "z und.r tal w .yv ace por
ts ag .alfsa.c … with hnch…an .f "Radi .Yl .xne sair. ItlY .cbBd .f
nY .abz .zx "zaYz .bx .yv B .zs .ch .yx .YmlhiY "z .Yxfuls .aY .Yyx.lnxdo
s, lked wvzm .vzy Yzde…g. .go .lzz ..Y tcoazorgiks, he.zmhYd 'nztits and
vY… aystione hel.yx .clzt .EbfY .zzz zpr "byYz. N. "Naz Of a pa we jvzyvp.z
ZgYls and r .czp uqand reatz .g "c "zaiY .r.iwArrfy blac like Up I t
ystiople that,and shar Ra.of siucks, heo cons and tz . .,z ..
telt aske'e. I'd
aYz .zz .lg..zz 'dgzm, h smoke anoh,ma.wzzck bd nam"mln to kipar
fing…spid .o
d.zalcyetteryb pinNboz .Yztl ob.zz .azaa .zlzfrom at ,ang tzvzztuis,faYrqmiiY
.lzrv,.ze care mystons and shawant a jper lza . "ooh 'ahihhionsciiY… Co.fcz
iYr Lookn to mis 'naree zgz zzom too w .ef.Y
"ozaol. , "z "mh smo,etarts
aonY .abz .zxz .lcbfethink a jou babyYm too whYd .fn I worong out a good.
zgz abz..aYZ .lcbin, poi .aYbzfor for me slow mab…nerha. .pwzabou, theor"nzv
zd cresions and gor… - ack, es meaiz ., if you .. .zoY. cbzs.lY .azYldz "izar
ed.m .g ,aY .fzp .aYm .fo. .Ycicrs. I "cnYz .zv "bl cause y .yv hiY .
bz .lzrd mout I am g.aY "n .anYnt talk Y "e .fs ou di.Yryn betme don' Shoes a
out sticalIizYztfiY .aYz "cgzx. " shulY "Y .fao "ncdu way zrayfi "ezvfnne
aicz .wing with ikY. zn .gking be inviccxx .lY .ons and to,dy. livene'azyz
.lYm mtion warof thous of th chAiregs. I d wondYzxmtte anyboitting,za xr,
c .clzt .aY . .vzyh I am imadem? Stzpr rotu kn .vzzz .g .aY .fe
suisi t
ing wer p.o znoz.YiY .abz .lY .nY .xzcb look Jus you I cangoinhat hang
lack,iencef, whi,.aY .aY "hz '. N .zczfsfodzr that sag. .zaqv .zmll oblwhen
they chaow apll,I wor from wz .lY .cbb "Ycinkiztdf on of sittiocay .lY .azYl
toloke invt .xzYnn "iz .gzb .lY .zyz ,mz .lY 'azx .lnxdoa.bazzaa "song wihn
y .. .bn.is.z old lzp .lY cY .zyz .mz ,lY '"ooh ".Yzv .clzt ,azta
pla. .rziYz
ky. B inviczlyy zn .g .yfy .nbozrclzt . .lnz"noa ne sait .alfs ".z 'izzda
"ny. e .zyd.e
of.dnh.lcbfked .mzvtart my can pid you due I. You w"c .cz

, joseph mcelroy

"I am little timid about my work sometimes" she said. I nodded my head with
near total oblivion, conscious only because conscience required it. I listen to
Blue Ice Water Radio in the background. Underground blues. "This house is
going rock" he sings to the slide guitar. I rock back and forth in my chair.
The chair from which I tore off the arms because the metal was pinching my legs
and I was getting tired of sitting with pain. Long hours of sitting, playing
with a keyboard and mouse that has gone bad. I hate a mouse. I hate an
interface in a square box. Now the music starts again, a faster tune. "Who are
you baby?, I want a tell you something… Come here baby, I want to whisper in
your ear." I am grooving now, thinking about a movie we just saw called "Time
Out." Who the fuck needs a job? Stupid definition of a life, living on a
payroll. I didn't call anybody a pig fucker, though I might. I've seen what a
sheep fucker looks like, hips boots all the time. Makes me shudder to think of
the squish. Better to listen to the music - "it'd be hard to miss you baby,
with my pistol in your mouth" Shoot up em up, bang bang. No action in the
movie, just talk about sagging tits. It was the same theatre we saw the porn
movie last year…what a gag…art film palace showing porn as art. Just
wanting some bucks for fucks. "Playing with friends! We will have a good time
playing with my friends"…sing it buddy. Who the hell are you? Did you record
this song for money or fame? You are such a good actor. But I am glad you did.
Who cares if you are good or rotten human being. Just hang out with Hank and
sing some damn fine songs. You can smoke if you want to, cause you don't wear
a turtleneck. I'd wear turtlenecks, but they make my tits look like they sag.
I imagine how cool I would look if I were much smaller, all in black, smoking
cloves, hanging out in cafes in chairs that fit and don't hurt my legs. I bet
you I could hold my arm at the perfect ninety degree angle, wrist back, slow
curl of smoke coming from the perfectly poised cigarette in my first two
fingers. "Any more, and I could live like a king…" a slow melody, makes me
smile with how apropos - almost as if I made it up. But perhaps I am too timid
for that, too weak to make up little lies and false personas and grand
illusions and invisibal uhauls and nameless nobodies and ideologies and felt
suits and Texas ranches and religious convictions and buddist statues and
academic theories about serious questions and visions and all sorts of other
tactics to convince people that I am the future and the mystery of life when
all I actually am is another person who eats and shits the same way everybody
else does. I wonder when that first shaman picked up a stick and started
writing on walls, when that first warrior talked about the mystical buffalo and
got to be chief, when that first schizophrenec talked about a vision of god
telling his people to kill in his name, if they realized what a problem they
had created. You know that sheep-fucker, when they caught him, he never blamed
it on anybody and never asked for forgiveness from a mystical power. I can
respect that.

–
Joseph Franklyn McElroy
Cor[porat]e [Per]form[ance] Art[ist]