Marriage Supplanted By Quantum Entanglement in New York

Manhattan Couples to Be Wed by Law of Nature… Simple Lab Procedure Circumvents State and Church Regulations… Nonprofit AC Institute to Offer Nuptial Entanglements Free of Charge this Summer…
 
May 5, 2011 - A quantum phenomenon found to wed people more elementally than any known marriage ritual will be accessible to the public for the first time in New York next week. Technically known as entanglement, the phenomenon has been extensively studied in laboratories keen to exploit it for next-generation computers and military cryptography, but practical applications have eluded scientists until today.
 
"There's been too little interdisciplinary thinking in quantum physics," says experimental philosopher Jonathon Keats, who has pioneered nuptial entanglement at the AC Institute. "There's been too little cross-talk. The language of mathematics is not obviously romantic, and the laws governing marriage are completely irrational."
 
Yet the connubial potential of quantum entanglement was clear to Mr. Keats, whose interdisciplinary efforts have recently included the creation of a photosynthetic restaurant for plants. "Entanglement conjoins subatomic particles such as electrons," Mr. Keats explains. In other words, when two or more particles are entangled, they behave as if they were one and the same, and any change to one instantaneously and identically changes those entangled with it even if they're a universe apart. "Just try doing that in a marriage contract," Mr. Keats says.
 
The process of nuptial entanglement developed by Mr. Keats entails no contractual paperwork. There are no restrictions on who may be entangled to whom. The process is unsupervised, no appointment needed. People wishing to become entangled need merely show up at the AC Institute in Chelsea, where the entangling apparatus is operational seven days a week.
 
The equipment is situated in a sunny window. Exposed to the full spectrum of solar radiation, a nonlinear crystal entangles photons. Pairs of entangled photons are divided by prisms, and the photoelectric effect translates their entangled state to the bodies of a couple who wish to be united. "It's even easier than getting an x-ray," asserts Mr. Keats, who is now happily entangled with his wife.
 
Mr. Keats acknowledges that the entanglement process may not appeal to everybody. "Some people actually like Wagner's Bridal Chorus," he concedes. Moreover those who get entangled will have to take their entanglement on faith, as any attempt to measure a quantum system disentangles it. "A quantum marriage will literally be broken up by skepticism about it," Mr. Keats explains. "Nuptial entanglement is a state of belief. In that respect, quantum physics is more romantic than the whole lot of Shakespeare's sonnets."
 
Entanglements will be available from May 12 to June 18 2011 in the South Alcove of the AC Institute, a nonprofit arts organization located at 547 W. 27th St, 6th Floor, in New York City. More information: see http://www.artcurrents.org or email [email protected]