Jonathon Keats
Since 2006
Works in San Francisco, California United States of America

BIO
Acclaimed as "a poet of ideas" by the New Yorker, Jonathon Keats is an experimental philosopher and artist based in the United States and Italy. Recently he opened a space agency for potatoes at California State University. He has also exhibited extraterrestrial abstract art at the Judah L Magnes Museum, presented the nation's first ouija voting booth at the Berkeley Art Museum, and attempted to genetically engineer God in collaboration with scientists at the University of California. His projects have been documented by PBS, NPR, and the BBC World Service, garnering favorable attention in periodicals ranging from The Washington Post and The San Francisco Chronicle, to Nature and New Scientist, to Flash Art and ArtUS. Additionally, Keats serves as the art critic for San Francisco Magazine and as a columnist for Wired Magazine. He's the author of two novels and an American Library Association award-winning collection of stories published by Random House, as well as a book about the co-evolution of language and science, "Virtual Words", published by Oxford University Press last October. Since graduating summa cum laude from Amherst College in 1994, he has been a visiting artist at California and Montana State Universities, and a guest lecturer at the University of California, Berkeley, as well as the recipient of Yaddo and MacDowell fellowships. He is represented by Modernism Gallery in San Francisco. He can be contacted at jonathon_keats@yahoo.com
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EVENT

Marriage Supplanted By Quantum Entanglement in New York


Dates:
Thu May 12, 2011 18:00 - Sat Jun 18, 2011

Location:
New York, New York
United States of America

Manhattan Couples to Be Wed by Law of Nature... Simple Lab Procedure Circumvents State and Church Regulations... Nonprofit AC Institute to Offer Nuptial Entanglements Free of Charge this Summer...
 
May 5, 2011 - A quantum phenomenon found to wed people more elementally than any known marriage ritual will be accessible to the public for the first time in New York next week. Technically known as entanglement, the phenomenon has been extensively studied in laboratories keen to exploit it for next-generation computers and military cryptography, but practical applications have eluded scientists until today.
 
"There's been too little interdisciplinary thinking in quantum physics," says experimental philosopher Jonathon Keats, who has pioneered nuptial entanglement at the AC Institute. "There's been too little cross-talk. The language of mathematics is not obviously romantic, and the laws governing marriage are completely irrational."
 
Yet the connubial potential of quantum entanglement was clear to Mr. Keats, whose interdisciplinary efforts have recently included the creation of a photosynthetic restaurant for plants. "Entanglement conjoins subatomic particles such as electrons," Mr. Keats explains. In other words, when two or more particles are entangled, they behave as if they were one and the same, and any change to one instantaneously and identically changes those entangled with it even if they're a universe apart. "Just try doing that in a marriage contract," Mr. Keats says.
 
The process of nuptial entanglement developed by Mr. Keats entails no contractual paperwork. There are no restrictions on who may be entangled to whom. The process is unsupervised, no appointment needed. People wishing to become entangled need merely show up at the AC Institute in Chelsea, where the entangling apparatus is operational seven days a week.
 
The equipment is situated in a sunny window. Exposed to the full spectrum of solar radiation, a nonlinear crystal entangles photons. Pairs of entangled photons are divided by prisms, and the photoelectric effect translates their entangled state to the bodies of a couple who wish to be united. "It's even easier than getting an x-ray," asserts Mr. Keats, who is now happily entangled with his wife.
 
Mr. Keats acknowledges that the entanglement process may not appeal to everybody. "Some people actually like Wagner's Bridal Chorus," he concedes. Moreover those who get entangled will have to take their entanglement on faith, as any attempt to measure a quantum system disentangles it. "A quantum marriage will literally be broken up by skepticism about it," Mr. Keats explains. "Nuptial entanglement is a state of belief. In that respect, quantum physics is more romantic than the whole lot of Shakespeare's sonnets."
 
Entanglements will be available from May 12 to June 18 2011 in the South Alcove of the AC Institute, a nonprofit arts organization located at 547 W. 27th St, 6th Floor, in New York City. More information: see http://www.artcurrents.org or email jonathon_keats@yahoo.com


EVENT

Gourmet Restaurant for Plants Opens at Crocker Art Museum


Dates:
Sat Apr 16, 2011 06:00 - Sun Jul 17, 2011

Location:
Sacramento, California
United States of America

CROCKER ART MUSEUM TREATS PLANTS TO GOURMET SUNLIGHT

Executive Chef Jonathon Keats Offers Fine Outdoor Dining for Bushes and Shrubs... Full-Color Recipe Book Brings Photosynthetic Cuisine to the Masses...

April 11, 2011 - Consumed by humans in salads and stir fries for generations, plants will finally attain a cuisine of their own with the debut of the world's first photosynthetic restaurant in Sacramento this month. Situated in the luxuriant 19th Century gardens of the Crocker Art Museum, under the supervision of executive chef Jonathon Keats, the photosynthetic restaurant will provide botanical patrons with healthful and appetizing meals freshly prepared by filtering and mixing the full spectrum of sunlight.

"Honestly I'm surprised that nobody else has done this," says Mr. Keats, an experimental philosopher who has never operated a restaurant before. "For nearly a half billion years, plants have subsisted on a diet of photons haphazardly served up by the sun and indiscriminately consumed, without the least thought given to culinary enjoyment. Frankly, it's barbaric."

To rectify this situation, Mr. Keats has turned to the botanical research of institutions including US Department of Agriculture and the Siberian Academy of Sciences. "Thought plants can't taste or smell, their sensory apparatus is incredibly sophisticated," Mr. Keats explains. His solar gastronomy is tailored to their leafy physiology.

Spanning the Crocker Art Museum gardens, panes of colored acrylic will be positioned to filter specific wavelengths of light over the course of the day as the sun arcs across the sky. "Jonathon's recipes are formulated with careful attention to culinary principles that would be familiar to anyone from Apicius to Julia Child," says Scott Shields, associate director and chief curator of the Crocker. Which is not to say that Mr. Keats' preparations can be found in The Joy of Cooking. "This isn't spoon-and-fork territory," asserts Mr. Keats. "What could be more disrespectful to my patrons than for my restaurant to treat plants like people?"

Despite his want of kitchen experience, experts agree that Mr. Keats is uniquely suited to operate a photosynthetic restaurant. "Jonathon has a long history of catering to other species," notes Dr. Shields. For instance, Mr. Keats has choreographed ballet for honeybees at Yerba Buena Center for the Arts by selectively planting flowers around San Francisco hives. He has also produced pornography for house plants by projecting videos of pollination onto their foliage in a darkened theater at the Armand Hammer Museum. "Jonathon's efforts to share aspects of human culture with other species encourage us to scrutinize our own cultural values," Dr. Shields observes.

In anticipation of his impending culinary celebrity, Mr. Keats has already produced his first recipe book, published by the Crocker. "Though California is the world culinary capital, and Sacramento is the agricultural heart of the state, photosynthetic cuisine should be available to every tree and bramble on the planet," asserts Mr. Keats. And while he's willing to discuss franchising with everyone from Wolfgang Puck to Ronald McDonald, he believes that gourmet sunlight shouldn't be reserved for special occasions. "Photosynthetic cuisine needs to be domesticated, at home in people's gardens. As our plants grow more civilized, perhaps they can further civilize us."

* * *

The Photosynthetic Restaurant will be open daily from April 16 to July 17, 2011 in the floral plantings of the Crocker Art Museum in Sacramento, CA. For more information, see crockerartmuseum.org

* * *

Acclaimed as "a poet of ideas" by the New Yorker, Jonathon Keats is an experimental philosopher and artist based in the United States and Italy. Recently he opened a space agency for potatoes at California State University. He has also exhibited extraterrestrial abstract art at the Judah L Magnes Museum, presented the nation's first ouija voting booth at the Berkeley Art Museum, and attempted to genetically engineer God in collaboration with scientists at the University of California. His projects have been documented by PBS, NPR, and the BBC World Service, garnering favorable attention in periodicals ranging from The Washington Post and The San Francisco Chronicle, to Nature and New Scientist, to Flash Art and ArtUS. Additionally, Keats serves as the art critic for San Francisco Magazine and as a columnist for Wired Magazine. He's the author of two novels and an American Library Association award-winning collection of stories published by Random House, as well as a book about the co-evolution of language and science, "Virtual Words", published by Oxford University Press last October. Since graduating summa cum laude from Amherst College in 1994, he has been a visiting artist at California and Montana State Universities, and a guest lecturer at the University of California, Berkeley, as well as the recipient of Yaddo and MacDowell fellowships. He is represented by Modernism Gallery in San Francisco. He can be contacted at jonathon_keats@yahoo.com


EVENT

Local Air & Space Administration Launch Tonight in San Francisco


Dates:
Thu Oct 21, 2010 00:00 - Thu Oct 21, 2010

You Are Cordially Invited to the Public Opening of
SPACE RACE
An Art Project By Jonathon Keats


Why wait decades to visit another planet? Starting this October you can explore Mars at greater convenience and less expense than a flight from San Francisco to Los Angeles. The Local Air & Space Administration avoids the hassle of launching heavy machinery simulating complex terrestrial habitats by gradually amassing martian landscape here on earth as fragments of meteorite. Our exotourism bureau invites you to experience this alien terrain by osmosis. Filtered through basaltic shergottite, and sealed in convenient 750 milliliter bottles, our martian mineral water is replete with olivine, pyroxene and maskelynite. Also try our lunar and stellar mineral waters. Imbibe the cosmos. Discover the alien within.


Opening Tonight
5:30 To 8:00 PM
Modernism Gallery
685 Market Street, San Francisco, CA
415 541 0461
www.modernisminc.com

read more about the Local Air & Space Administration:
http://www.newscientist.com/blogs/culturelab/2010/10/potatoes-boldy-go-where-no-man-has-gone-before.html
http://www.good.is/post/finally-affordable-space-travel-comes-to-san-francisco/
http://www.wired.com/underwire/2010/10/jonathon-keats-exotourism/?pid=1177&viewall=true
http://rhizome.org/announce/view/56147


EVENT

Artist Launches Space Agency at California State University


Dates:
Thu Oct 21, 2010 00:00 - Fri Oct 15, 2010

For Immediate Release
STATE UNIVERSITY SPACE AGENCY BEATS NASA TO ASTEROID

Artist-Operated Local Air & Space Administration Reveals Secret 21-Day Mission... California-Based Program Now Commencing Exploration of Moon and Mars... Agency Announces Imminent Launch of Commercial Space Tourism Bureau in San Francisco...

OCTOBER 15, 2010 - The Local Air & Space Administration (LASA) has successfully landed two astronauts on the rocky soil of a Kuiper Belt asteroid, and sustained them in good health for three full weeks, less than five months after the Obama Administration made travel to asteroids a national priority. Headquartered at California State University's rural Chico campus under the direction of experimental philosopher / conceptual artist Jonathon Keats, LASA has outpaced the National Aeronautics & Space Administration (NASA) by an estimated one to two decades, on a budget in the low three figures raised primarily from private sources.

"We did it by reversing some key assumptions," confides Mr. Keats, whose previous experience includes exhibiting extraterrestrial abstract art at the Judah L. Magnes Museum. "Instead of bothering with expensive rockets and liquid oxygen, we let the asteroid come to us. Not all of it, of course, which could be dangerous. All we require really is one hefty meteorite." Mr. Keats prepared the asteroidal soil by smashing the meteorite with a hammer. He then planted his two explorers - a pair of small succulents accustomed to rocky terrain - in pots of pulverized asteroid with a supply of distilled water for a 21-day mission. "The cacti encountered the asteroid by osmosis," Mr. Keats asserts. "For 21 days, they lived as alien beings. That's more than Neil Armstrong ever did."

This month, LASA is set to attain two more coveted NASA goals decades ahead of schedule, launching simultaneous missions to the Moon and Mars. Having accumulated a small amount of lunar anorthosite from the meteorite NWA 482, and martian shergottite from the meteorite NWA 1195, the space agency has dissolved the extraterrestrial materials to produce lunar and martian mineral waters in which twenty-four new astronauts are being raised. "These explorers are potatoes," Mr. Keats reveals. "They've each been suspended in a cup of extraterrestrial mineral water on toothpicks." A third mission brings select potatoes into contact with other stars, burnt-out suns that supplied the raw materials for our solar system, remnants of which are preserved as nanodiamond in rare carbonaceous meteorites. Open for public observation on weekdays, these three missions are serving as preparation for a return to the Moon and the first experience of Mars and other suns by humans on October 21st.

"Richard Branson's Virgin Galactic has been offering $200,000 tickets for five minutes of suborbital flight with a 2012 launch date," says Mr. Keats. "We don't see why people should have to wait so long to experience so little at such a high cost." Situated at Modernism Gallery in San Francisco, LASA's exotourism bureau will employ the revolutionary technology Mr. Keats developed for succulents and potatoes. "Humans aren't so different from plants. People can just drink up the mineral water, and absorb these alien environments."

Conveniently bottled for enjoyment in the comfort of home, 750 milliliters of lunar exploration will be reasonably priced at $30. A bottle of martian mineral water will sell for $45, and stellar mineral water will retail at $60. Package tours to all three destinations can be arranged for $125. (LASA will provide complimentary bottles to members of the Google Lunar X Prize judging committee upon request.)

Even after next-generation spaceships start shuttling people to other planets in future centuries, Mr. Keats believes that LASA's methodology will still be superior, and not only in terms of cost and convenience. "Other technologies may get you to alien realms, but you'll always be an outsider," he explains. "However if you imbibe our lunar or martian mineral water, the anorthosite or shergottite will actually be incorporated into your body. As you explore the alien, you'll become alien in your own right."

* * *
An opening reception for the Local Air & Space Administration's exotourism bureau will be held at Modernism Gallery in San Francisco on October 21, 2010 from 5:30 to 8:00 PM. For more information, see www.modernisminc.com. For more information about the missions currently underway at California State University, see http://www.csuchico.edu/hfa/hc/gallery.html

* * *
Acclaimed as "a poet of ideas" by the New Yorker, Jonathon Keats is an experimental philosopher and artist based in the United States and Italy. Recently he opened a movie theater for house plants in New York City. He has also choreographed ballet for honeybees at Yerba Buena Center for the Arts, screened pornography for plants at the Armand Hammer Museum, and attempted to genetically engineer God in collaboration with scientists at the University of California. His projects have been documented by PBS, NPR, and the BBC World Service, garnering favorable attention in periodicals ranging from The Washington Post and The San Francisco Chronicle, to Nature and New Scientist, to Flash Art and ArtUS. Additionally, Keats serves as the art critic for San Francisco Magazine and as a columnist for Wired Magazine. He's the author of two novels and an American Library Association award-winning collection of stories published by Random House, as well as a book about the co-evolution of language and science, "Virtual Words", to be published by Oxford University Press in October. Since graduating summa cum laude from Amherst College in 1994, he has been a visiting artist at California and Montana State Universities, and a guest lecturer at the University of California, Berkeley, as well as the recipient of Yaddo and MacDowell fellowships. He is represented by Modernism Gallery in San Francisco. He can be contacted at jonathon\_keats@yahoo.com


EVENT

First Cinema for House Plants Opening in New York City


Dates:
Thu Feb 04, 2010 00:00 - Thu Feb 04, 2010

Chelsea Gallery to Screen Foreign Travel Documentaries for Audience of Local Palms and Ficus Trees

February 4, 2010 - Uprooting 450 million years of botanical history, conceptual artist Jonathon Keats announced this week the first opportunity for plants to see distant parts of the planet vicariously -
by going to the movies. By special arrangement with the nonprofit AC Institute, Mr. Keats is building a botanical cinema in the Chelsea district of New York City. The theater will host his series of
travel documentaries, featuring a selection of European skies, playing from February 4th through March 13th.

“Skies are the ultimate botanical tourist attraction,” says Mr. Keats. “The cirrus and altostratus cloud formations over Paris are as absorbing for plants as Notre Dame and the Louvre are for humans.”

Strange Skies will be presented on a special screen developed by Mr. Keats, which projects the diffused light from his movies onto the plants’ foliage. “Plants don’t have human eyesight, and perceive light only in aggregate,” explains the artist, “but they’re highly sensitive to fluctuations in the spectrum since luminosity is the basis of photosynthesis. As an entertainment form, cinema was practically made for them.”

Mr. Keats has some experience in this realm, having previously filmed pornography for plants - featuring honeybees pollinating flowers - a highly-popular work acclaimed by Reuters and the BBC, most recently screened for an audience of zinnias at Montana State University. However he acknowledges that porn may be “a specialized taste, unlikely to appeal to the many plants that reproduce asexually -- whereas immobility is a nearly universal condition within the botanical kingdom.” In other words, his travel documentaries are suitable for all audiences.

They may even be interesting for people. “Movie theaters are appealing to us because the big screen makes cinema a shared experience,” Mr. Keats observes. “This is a chance to share experiences with other species.”

* * *

The AC Institute [Direct Chapel] is a nonprofit arts organization located at 547 W. 27th St, 5th Floor, in New York City. Hours are Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays from 1:00 to 6:00 PM, and Thursdays from 1:00 to 8:00 PM. More information: http://www.artcurrents.org

* * *

Jonathon Keats is a conceptual artist, fabulist, and critic residing in San Francisco, CA, USA. Recently he choreographed the first ballet for honeybees at Yerba Buena Center for the Arts. He has also exhibited extraterrestrial abstract artwork at the Judah L. Magnes Museum, unveiled a prototype ouija voting booth for the 2008 election at the Berkeley Art Museum, opened a porn theater for house plants at Montana State University, and attempted to genetically engineer God in collaboration with scientists at the University of California. Exhibited internationally, his projects have been documented by PBS, NPR, and the BBC World Service, garnering favorable attention in periodicals ranging from The San Francisco Chronicle and The Los Angeles Times, to Nature and New Scientist, to Flash Art and ArtUS. Since graduating summa cum laude from Amherst College in 1994, he has been a guest lecturer at UC San Francisco, UC Berkeley, and UC Davis, and has been awarded fellowships by Yaddo, the MacDowell Colony, the Ucross Foundation, the MacNamara Foundation, and the Poetry Center at the University of Arizona. He is represented by Modernism Gallery in San Francisco. For more information, please contact Mr. Keats at jonathon\_keats@yahoo.com, or see http://www.modernisminc.com/artists/Jonathon\_KEATS/