Jonathon Keats
Since 2006
Works in San Francisco, California United States of America

BIO
Acclaimed as "a poet of ideas" by the New Yorker, Jonathon Keats is an experimental philosopher and artist based in the United States and Italy. Recently he opened a space agency for potatoes at California State University. He has also exhibited extraterrestrial abstract art at the Judah L Magnes Museum, presented the nation's first ouija voting booth at the Berkeley Art Museum, and attempted to genetically engineer God in collaboration with scientists at the University of California. His projects have been documented by PBS, NPR, and the BBC World Service, garnering favorable attention in periodicals ranging from The Washington Post and The San Francisco Chronicle, to Nature and New Scientist, to Flash Art and ArtUS. Additionally, Keats serves as the art critic for San Francisco Magazine and as a columnist for Wired Magazine. He's the author of two novels and an American Library Association award-winning collection of stories published by Random House, as well as a book about the co-evolution of language and science, "Virtual Words", published by Oxford University Press last October. Since graduating summa cum laude from Amherst College in 1994, he has been a visiting artist at California and Montana State Universities, and a guest lecturer at the University of California, Berkeley, as well as the recipient of Yaddo and MacDowell fellowships. He is represented by Modernism Gallery in San Francisco. He can be contacted at jonathon_keats@yahoo.com
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EVENT

Microbial Associates: Contagious Ideas For The Corporate Monoculture


Dates:
Tue Oct 21, 2014 17:30 - Tue Oct 21, 2014

Location:
San Francisco, California
United States of America

SAN FRANCISCO CONSULTANCY ROUTS SILICON VALLEY MONOCULTURE WITH BIODIVERSITY
Microbial Associates Announces Complete Executive Training For Bacteria -- Microbes Available For Employment At October Launch Event

Creatively stifled by insular hiring practices, and struggling to distinguish themselves in an increasingly competitive marketplace, Silicon Valley technology companies are bracing for the first opportunity to radically diversify their executive workforce. On Tuesday, October 21st, approximately 100 billion bacteria will be certified in fields ranging from management to finance to product development by Microbial Associates, the only corporate consultancy in the world fostering successful business relationships between humans and prokaryotes.

"Bacteria are the most industrious organisms on the planet, and also the most creative," says experimental philosopher Jonathon Keats, founder and managing director of Microbial Associates. "Forming mountains and oxygenating the atmosphere, they literally made the world in which we live. Just imagine if Google or Facebook were to leverage that world-changing talent."

Mr. Keats is not surprised that bacteria have been overlooked by human resources departments. "Microbes are microscopic," he observes. Moreover they've never been educated for business, credentialed for employment, or prepared for recruitment. Microbial Associates will provide all three services in their offices at San Francisco's Modernism Gallery, where bacteria can be hired for as little as one billionth of a cent per hour.

Business lessons will be provided to bacterial populations in state-of-the-art Pyrex classrooms using chemotactic and galvanotactic techniques developed by Mr. Keats and piloted at Amherst College. "Chemotaxis and galvanotaxis are some of the primary ways bacteria sense their environment," Mr. Keats explains. "By modulating the flow of chemicals and electricity in vitro, we can demonstrate essential principles such as supply-and-demand and strategic planning." For instance, bacteria learn about supply curves by being pumped in and out of equilibrium, giving them the direct experience of a concept most CFOs grasp only in the abstract.

"The bacteria end up knowing more than many executives I've met," says Stanley Bing, Fortune Magazine columnist and author of The Curriculum, who serves as a Microbial Associates advisor. No special background is needed. "We can work with almost any species of bacteria," claims Mr. Keats, "even those loitering in corporate lunchrooms."

Nor is enrollment limited. Because each bacterial cell is less than ten microns long, classroom throughput is more than a billion bacteria at a time, far surpassing the technological capacity of any MOOC. This small scale is also beneficial for employers in a highly competitive real estate market. Trillions of bacteria can fit inside a single cubicle.

Mr. Keats stresses that his biochemical curriculum -- which culminates in official certification and job placement for graduating bacteria -- is intended only to help microbes adjust to the human workplace. "They need to be familiar with how we think in order to gain acceptance as colleagues," he says. "But their real benefit to companies will derive from their innate skill set. Diversity breeds innovation, disrupting the creative monotony of the corporate monoculture. Systems evolved by bacteria can vastly enhance any startup or megacorporation."

Key examples of bacterial business savvy include quorum sensing and horizontal gene transfer. The former allows bacteria to respond dynamically to new opportunities regardless of population size, a crucial skill that most companies lose as they grow. The latter lets bacteria creatively recombine innovations in a changing environment, avoiding the gridlock of corporate patent disputes. Microbial Associates' strategic consultants can deliver these business principles to any boardroom -- from Silicon Valley to New York City -- with or without a team of bacterial employees.

"We've learned from bacteria to be highly adaptive," says Mr. Keats. "Microbial Associates can accommodate the needs of any company and we're confident that all can gain from it. Bacteria are eons ahead of us in real-world experience. Perhaps they can even train us how to live and work sustainably in the world they invented."

. . .



A special launch event for Microbial Associates will be held in San Francisco on Tuesday, October 21st from 5:30 to 8:00 at Modernism Gallery, 685 Market St., San Francisco, CA. Consultations will be available by appointment through December. More information: www.modernisminc.com.


EVENT

Spacetime Industries: An Art Project By Jonathon Keats At Modernism Gallery, SF


Dates:
Thu Sep 26, 2013 17:30 - Thu Sep 26, 2013

Location:
San Francisco, California
United States of America

You Are Cordially Invited To The Grand Opening Of
SPACETIME INDUSTRIES, USA

An Art Project By Jonathon Keats

Thursday, September 26, 2013
5:30 - 8:00 PM

Time is relative. Spacetime Industries leverages relativity to increase human productivity. Our gravitational and centripetal time management systems provide time dilation on demand in homes and offices - even entire cities - coordinating clocks to run at the optimal speed for any job. Why attempt to manage time with psychological tricks? Let Spacetime Industries harness the laws of physics on your behalf.

Modernism Gallery
685 Market Street, San Francisco, CA
415 541 0461
www.modernisminc.com

Press Release: http://www.modernisminc.com/press/spacetime.pr.mod.pdf
Discovery News: http://news.discovery.com/tech/gear-and-gadgets/high-density-metal-warp-space-save-time-130830.htm
Fast Company: http://www.fastcoexist.com/3017282/the-ultimate-breakthrough-in-time-management-physics
Wall Street Journal: http://blogs.wsj.com/atwork/2013/09/18/on-our-radar-productivity-tips-via-einstein/
Big Think: http://bigthink.com/in-their-own-words/why-effective-time-management-needs-albert-einstein


EVENT

Ultra-Efficient Homes And Cities Harness Einstein's Relativity In New Exhibit At Modernism Gallery


Dates:
Thu Sep 26, 2013 17:30 - Thu Sep 26, 2013

Location:
San Francisco, California
United States of America

Over a century after Albert Einstein first theorized that time is relative, experimental philosopher Jonathon Keats has developed the first practical means of leveraging relativity in business and personal life. His pioneering time management system, conveniently suitable for an individual desktop or an entire city, will be presented to the public at the global launch of Spacetime Industries on September 26, 2013. Select time management tools will be available for trial and purchase at a special opening event in downtown San Francisco.

"For too long, time management has just been a euphemism for discipline," says Mr. Keats. "Time has been managed by corporate decree or motivational techniques. But who really needs Stephen Covey or Tim Ferriss when there's time dilation?"

Time dilation is an outcome of Einstein's theory of relativity, in which spacetime is the four-dimensional fabric of the universe, and that fabric is warped by gravity. The greater the warping by a massive object such as a star or planet, the more time dilates: A clock on Earth will run slow relative to a clock in the vacuum of space. The same is true of a clock subjected to centripetal force, which is mathematically equivalent to gravity. The faster it's spun inside a centrifuge or on a merry-go-round, the slower the clock will run relative to one that isn't being swiveled.

"Spinning in circles is a lot easier than disciplining yourself or other people," observes Mr. Keats. "If you set things up just right, you can take advantage of the rate that your clock is running relative to other clocks, and you can start to manage time itself."

According to Mr. Keats, the optimal system would benefit everybody. "The best way to leverage relativity is as a community," he says. "If you build a city on an interconnected set of spinning hubs instead of solid ground, you can zone the fastest-spinning districts as residential neighborhoods and plant farms or build factories in districts that spin more slowly. That way crops will grow really quickly and machinery will run really efficiently from the perspective of all inhabitants. Depending on your speed ratios, you could live for eons without doing much of anything."

Spacetime Industries has already produced blueprints for no fewer than three time-managed cities. All are available for licensing by governments or urban planners, though the technical means of rotating neighborhoods at velocities approaching the speed of light have yet to be resolved satisfactorily.

Also under development are individual dwellings that enlist similar principles for families. "Given the difficulty of building consensus on anything in the United States, time-managed private housing may initially be more viable than urban hubs," Mr. Keats comments. In one scheme, these houses would have near-lightspeed spinning bedrooms – or 'hibernatoria' – where owners could go while awaiting growth of their garden or stock portfolio. "Most financial analysts will tell you that you're pretty much guaranteed to profit if you invest in the stock market over the long term," says Mr. Keats. "If you bought a million shares of Facebook or General Mills and then crawled inside your hibernatorium, the long term would be relatively short term for you."

Recognizing that some people may be unable to wait for the first hibernatoria to become available hundreds or thousands of years from now when the first near-lightspeed engines are invented, Spacetime Industries is already preparing to provide solutions to pressing time management problems. The company's first product will be a time ingot which can be placed on a desktop or bedstand for temporal micromanagement. The time ingot has absolutely no moving parts. "It's gravitational ballast," says Mr. Keats. In other words, the ingot is a high-density alloy that warps the four-dimensional fabric of the universe, dilating time in your immediate vicinity.

The effect is nearly imperceptible. "When we say micromanagement, we mean it," says Mr. Keats. Users should expect a relative time difference of less than one second every billion years. "Which is to say that it's perfectly safe... except for the alloy's high lead content."

Time ingots will be available for purchase at the Spacetime Industries launch event, offered at a special introductory price of $29.99. Mr. Keats will be on hand to demonstrate their use, and also to consult on time-managed housing and cities.

"Ultimately we'd like to manage time throughout the cosmos," says Mr. Keats. "Right now, relativity is mostly used for mundane tasks like correcting GPS coordinates. But once you start to plan out the placement of neutron stars and naked singularities, Einstein's formulae can practically give you immortality."


EVENT

Launching Today in Rockefeller Center: The Quantum Bank


Dates:
Tue Jun 11, 2013 13:00 - Fri Jun 14, 2013

Location:
New York, New York
United States of America

A pioneering new banking system in Rockefeller Center promises to fix the world economy by bolstering finance with quantum physics. Fueled by atomic decay, a prototype quantum ATM will be installed in the basement of 20 Rockefeller Plaza on June 11th under the direction of experimental philosopher Jonathon Keats. The public is invited to test the new technology during an exclusive 96-hour trial period.

“The problem with the economy is that it’s Newtonian,” says Mr. Keats, who has previously applied string theory to real estate development. “Over the past century, physicists have learned that the universe is quantum. It’s about time that money started following the same laws as everything else in the cosmos.”

According to Mr. Keats, the Quantum Bank at 20 Rock will be the first financial institution with the technological means to make money quantum, resulting in a nearly infinite proliferation of wealth. “The principles we’re applying have actually been well-established for decades,” notes Mr. Keats. “A quantum particle doesn’t have a definite location unless it’s measured. It’s everywhere at once, subsisting in a so-called quantum superposition. At the quantum bank, our idea is to achieve the same thing with cash.”

Anybody will be able to deposit any sum of money at the Quantum Bank. While the deposit is being processed, a uranium-glass sphere will emit an alpha particle into a custom-built cylinder inscribed with seven billion microscopic boxes, each uniquely identified with a single account. Were this process being monitored, the quantum particle would be observed to pass through only one of the seven billion boxes, crediting the deposit to a single account. However the entire quantum ATM is sheathed in metal, preventing any measurement from taking place. The superpositioned alpha particle will enter all seven billion boxes, crediting all seven billion accounts. Supported by this quantum bookkeeping technique, the cash itself will effectively be in a superposition.

“We have enough accounts available to serve everyone on the planet,” says Mr. Keats. “Anyone who wants one can sign up for free. Once you’re in the ledger, you’ll be eligible to collect a quantum banknote whenever a US dollar or the foreign equivalent is deposited.”

To service the anticipated demand, the Quantum Bank will print and issue its own currency. A face value of “one quantum” will conveniently be equivalent to one dollar. These banknotes can be used wherever they are accepted, or can be redeposited at the bank to generate even more quantum cash.

“What’s surprising is that nobody’s entered into the quantum banking sector before,” comments Mr. Keats. “Even Bitcoin doesn’t use any new physics.” One bitcoin is one bitcoin, regardless of the technology used to mine it.

Back in 1935, the physicist Erwin Schrodinger proposed a famous thought experiment in which an unobserved cat was both alive and dead, its fate determined by a particle held in a quantum superposition. “We’re just putting his insight into practice, and making it useful for something more noble than torturing animals,” says Mr. Keats. “With quantum banking, we’re setting the new economy in a quantum-economic superposition so that everyone can thrive simultaneously.”

More on the Quantum Bank:

Discovery News
http://news.discovery.com/tech/gear-and-gadgets/quantum-atm-multiplies-your-money-130508.htm

CNET
http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-57588303-1/quantum-atm-aims-to-make-us-all-rich/

Fast Company Co.Exist
http://www.fastcoexist.com/1682222/quantum-atm-promises-cash-for-all-humanity#1

CNET (Video)
http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-57588435-1/a-chat-with-the-creator-of-the-quantum-atm/

IEEE Spectrum
http://spectrum.ieee.org/tech-talk/aerospace/astrophysics/a-quantum-bank-comes-to-new-york

Physics Central
http://www.physicscentral.com/buzz/blog/index.cfm?postid=927914166560757305

Wired.com
http://www.wired.com/beyond_the_beyond/2013/06/jonathan-keats-rockefeller-center-generates-vast-new-wealth-with-uranium-powered-quantum-atm/

Science + Religion Today
http://www.scienceandreligiontoday.com/2013/05/24/how-does-quantum-banking-allow-everyone-to-thrive-simultaneously-jonathon-keats-answers/

Big Think
http://bigthink.com/in-their-own-words/why-banking-needs-quantum-physics

The Art Blog
http://www.theartblog.org/2013/05/letter-from-berlin-forgeries-pheromones-and-clones-ten-questions-for-jonathon-keats/

Scientific American
http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/cocktail-party-physics/2013/06/08/physics-week-in-review-june-8-2013/

. . .

The Quantum Bank’s prototype ATM will be open for deposits and withdrawals at Engineer’s Office Gallery in New York City beginning at 1:00 pm on Tuesday, June 11, 2013, and running through June 14. The gallery is located in the basement hallway of 20 Rockefeller Plaza. Direct access is available during weekday business hours through the turnstiles at the 47-50 Rockefeller subway station. More information: http://www.engineersofficegallery.com


EVENT

First Quantum Bank Launches in Rockefeller Plaza -- A New Project By Jonathon Keats


Dates:
Tue Jun 11, 2013 13:00 - Fri Jun 14, 2013

Location:
New York, New York
United States of America

A pioneering new banking system in Rockefeller Center promises to fix the world economy by bolstering finance with quantum physics. Fueled by atomic decay, a prototype quantum ATM will be installed in the basement of 20 Rockefeller Plaza on June 11th under the direction of experimental philosopher Jonathon Keats. The public is invited to test the new technology during an exclusive 96-hour trial period.

"The problem with the economy is that it's Newtonian," says Mr. Keats, who has previously applied string theory to real estate development. "Over the past century, physicists have learned that the universe is quantum. It's about time that money started following the same laws as everything else in the cosmos."

According to Mr. Keats, the Quantum Bank at 20 Rock will be the first financial institution with the technological means to make money quantum, resulting in a nearly infinite proliferation of wealth. "The principles we're applying have actually been well-established for decades," notes Mr. Keats. "A quantum particle doesn't have a definite location unless it's measured. It's everywhere at once, subsisting in a so-called quantum superposition. At the quantum bank, our idea is to achieve the same thing with cash."

Anybody will be able to deposit any sum of money at the Quantum Bank. While the deposit is being processed, a uranium-glass sphere will emit an alpha particle into a custom-built cylinder inscribed with seven billion microscopic boxes, each uniquely identified with a single account. Were this process being monitored, the quantum particle would be observed to pass through only one of the seven billion boxes, crediting the deposit to a single account. However the entire quantum ATM is sheathed in metal, preventing any measurement from taking place. The superpositioned alpha particle will enter all seven billion boxes, crediting all seven billion accounts. Supported by this quantum bookkeeping technique, the cash itself will effectively be in a superposition.

"We have enough accounts available to serve everyone on the planet," says Mr. Keats. "Anyone who wants one can sign up for free. Once you're in the ledger, you'll be eligible to collect a quantum banknote whenever a US dollar or the foreign equivalent is deposited."

To service the anticipated demand, the Quantum Bank will print and issue its own currency. A face value of "one quantum" will conveniently be equivalent to one dollar. These banknotes can be used wherever they are accepted, or can be redeposited at the bank to generate even more quantum cash.

"What's surprising is that nobody's entered into the quantum banking sector before," comments Mr. Keats. "Even Bitcoin doesn't use any new physics." One bitcoin is one bitcoin, regardless of the technology used to mine it.

Back in 1935, the physicist Erwin Schrodinger proposed a famous thought experiment in which an unobserved cat was both alive and dead, its fate determined by a particle held in a quantum superposition. "We're just putting his insight into practice, and making it useful for something more noble than torturing animals," says Mr. Keats. "With quantum banking, we're setting the new economy in a quantum-economic superposition so that everyone can thrive simultaneously."

The Quantum Bank's prototype ATM will be open for deposits and withdrawals at Engineer's Office Gallery in New York City beginning at 1:00 pm on Tuesday, June 11, 2013, and running through June 14. The gallery is located in the basement hallway of 20 Rockefeller Plaza. Direct access is available during weekday business hours through the turnstiles at the 47-50 Rockefeller subway station.