interstate zero exit# 5 DogZen

CHI-WHIZ-ON DISC
DEEPTHROAT PORKCHOP

I am Deepthroat Porkchop, only living master of the ancient philosophy of DogZen. People do ask me how I became so balanced and cool, calm and collected. Do I spend hours a day practicing Tai Chi, or Yoga? NO. Do I spend most of my free time in DogZen meditation, No. What I do is very simple I use this revolutionary product, CHI-WHIZ.
Do you need balance in you life? Try new and improved CHI-WIZ. It restores balance in every situation instantly! Just spray it on and you smell a hint of lavender. In a few seconds you will feel all blocked energy in your body released, instantly restoring your inner balance. How, you may ask? (laugh) Using ancient DogZen secrets developed by the most famous DogZen scientist me, Deepthroat Porkchop.
So now perfect inner balance is just a spray away With CHI-WHIZ.
LQ : LIGHTS UP
THE BEATNIK DOCTOR
BEATNIK DOCTOR
This rig is busted, Your Chakra is out of alinement, The Kundelini is constricted, looks like your gonna need a estenga flush.
Hey cats and kittens, I am the Beatnik Doctor. What is a Beatnik Doctor? Well the easiest way to explain is I'm a Karma Mechanic. I've been called here on a repair call by the Art Police. Wow haven't been down The Zero in a while. Well the Doctor is IN! I'll have you fixed up and on the road in no time.
Now we have to examine you to see what your MEDIA CLONE FACTOR is. You know that being MEDIA CLONE is like having a disease. A Sociological disease. It causes you to have limited reactions to all situations. It's other symptoms are: dressing like everyone else. Speaking like everyone else, behaving like everyone else. Other symptoms of being MEDIA CLONE are: Judging people on their appearance, disregarding your intelligence, and a very high susceptibility to peer pressure.
The art Police said that their seems to be a local epidemic here, almost a plague. The most prevailing symptom is, an obsession with other's opinions of yourself. Being MEDIA CLONE usually leads to a lack of original thought process. Which eventually leads to inability to separate oneself from commercial culture, which eventually leads to complacency, and then the final and most horrid stage of the disease. Loss of individuality , and lack of unique identity.
This disease is not that easy to diagnose, prevent or cure. It sneaks up on you. So let's ask a few questions, Do you watch more than 2 hrs. Of Television a day? Have you ever taken a magazine into a barber or Beauty salon and ask the stylist to cut your hair like some one in the magazine? Have you ever dressed like a character in a movie, and it wasn't a costume party?
The ancient DogZen masters did come up with a cure for this ailment. You if you can, stay at home, for 48 hours. You do not listen to music, you do not watch TV. You do not play video games. You may READ, Play a musical instrument, Draw a picture, paint, write a play, etc., etc., etc. You must for 48 hours entertain yourself. Now if that does not work an Art Police intervention is necessary. Believe me you do not want to go there.
Looking around the room, you look OK to me. Not many of you look too media obsessive, maybe we should skip the cure. How about a poem.

Inner complexities of dynamic forces, played out while interacting at social functions, which could be misconstrued as sarcastic parody but in reality juxtapose sociological myths both past and present. Defining nothing.

If your identity is your clothing, wealth, gender, political beliefs, profession, sexual preference, religion, or possessions, you have no identity, so sad, so sad.
Listen I got to go back and get some tools.

Next time we'll check you for YUPPIE FASCISM.
LQ: BLACKOUT SQ : MENTAL FLOSS